It is 2200h, in the Warwick library.
She sits in the corner, shouting at another girl. She cries. She shouts AND cries. Her friend offers her a tissue. Her boyfriend calms her down by giving her a backrub.
I wish I were her. Funny. But just for tonight.
Instead, I anticipate my instant-coffee from the instant-machine downstairs.
Uncle T
9 May 2009
Un, sil vous plait. 3:57 am
The morning prayer you say for strength.
The sense of hope you feel when you arise to a pretty sky.
Those are not for the easy times.
Those are for the tough times.
Its easy to be strong on good days.
But when the bad days come, those are the ones that the prayers were meant for.
It is like a football game.
You can be a star for 85 minutes.
But in the last 5 minutes you get a red card.
And all the good you did is blotted out.
These are the ones that the prayers were meant for.
You just go out the door and run.
Run the frustration, the bewilderment, the solitude away.
You at least try.
Then you find yourself standing on the slope, looking down at the green fields.
"That will be my future," you say pointing to the rolling hills.
But for now, here I stand on the top of the slope. Alone.
Uncle T
The sense of hope you feel when you arise to a pretty sky.
Those are not for the easy times.
Those are for the tough times.
Its easy to be strong on good days.
But when the bad days come, those are the ones that the prayers were meant for.
It is like a football game.
You can be a star for 85 minutes.
But in the last 5 minutes you get a red card.
And all the good you did is blotted out.
These are the ones that the prayers were meant for.
You just go out the door and run.
Run the frustration, the bewilderment, the solitude away.
You at least try.
Then you find yourself standing on the slope, looking down at the green fields.
"That will be my future," you say pointing to the rolling hills.
But for now, here I stand on the top of the slope. Alone.
Uncle T
7 May 2009
T-10: 10-day Exercise Hell-Fire 7:39 pm
I am starting to talk to myself. And my computer screen.
Uncle T
Uncle T
4 May 2009
Judgemental on judgements 9:51 pm
How do we draw that fine line being judgemental and making judgements we do daily?
How do we not allow care for loved ones step over
To being judgemental?
How easy it is to disentangle
Feeling for something/someone so strong
And not being judgmental?
How do you be a good judge but not judgmental?
Pray, will someone teach?
Uncle T
How do we not allow care for loved ones step over
To being judgemental?
How easy it is to disentangle
Feeling for something/someone so strong
And not being judgmental?
How do you be a good judge but not judgmental?
Pray, will someone teach?
Uncle T
indulgences that came and will go 2:03 am
Back home, I hardly had specific indulgences; not chocolates, not TV, not computer games, perhaps sports, but nothing specific.
Neither did I have one in my first 2 years at Warwick. But in my final year, as I properly lived on my own, beyond comfort zones and circles of trust, there is one indulgence that I find comfort in. True, there's prayer in the chaplaincy. But there is something else, which might just go as my time in Warwick is coming to an end:
Candle burning, watching Grey's Anatomy or Heroes online, in my room, as I tuck into an unhealthy swirl of Japanese instant noodles with crab sticks, egg and Chinese cabbage; and then get contemplative about life, love and death afterwards as I head into the shower. Especially after Grey's Anatomy.
I will miss this. Can't do it back home. Mummy doesn't allow food in the room.
Uncle T
Neither did I have one in my first 2 years at Warwick. But in my final year, as I properly lived on my own, beyond comfort zones and circles of trust, there is one indulgence that I find comfort in. True, there's prayer in the chaplaincy. But there is something else, which might just go as my time in Warwick is coming to an end:
Candle burning, watching Grey's Anatomy or Heroes online, in my room, as I tuck into an unhealthy swirl of Japanese instant noodles with crab sticks, egg and Chinese cabbage; and then get contemplative about life, love and death afterwards as I head into the shower. Especially after Grey's Anatomy.
I will miss this. Can't do it back home. Mummy doesn't allow food in the room.
Uncle T