The night stage 3:20 pm

Sometimes I really believe that a gung-ho spirit and enthusiasm is enough to get through life.

I did something new two nights ago; an endeavour I've never attempted. It was adventurous and gung-ho not in a Everest-conquering way, but in a fish-out-of-water kind of way. Leading up to it, I was quietly excited. Then the evening came.

We went out to ION Orchard, a new-ish shopping mall in Singapore, to do a fashion photoshoot.

It was like going onto a stage to perform a song. And you dont realise how inadequate you are until the houselights fall and the spotlight on you. And it is only then, when the glare of the attention fills your eyes that you realise you're not ready for this. Oh crap. And then you freeze, lyrics lost in your larynx, the melody dissolving in your diaphragm. Stage fright, some call it.

That was really how I felt that evening. For many times across what ought to have been a mini adventure to relish, I felt as naked and helpless as the stage-frightened musician. It was then that it hit me that being gung-ho about stuff, especially in artistic endeavours, is not enough. 'Go in and just whack' is what I thought was enough. Sure, we did prep work prior to that; found a model, browsed magazines, pseudo moodboards, recce trip, sewed up a dress for the evening, meetings...but all that was still not enough.

Photography, in this particular case fashion photography, is not an activity you just decide to do and taa-daa. It is a craft; one that requires patient diligence in both theory and practice, one which requires patience and commitment and where competence is often proportionate to dedication.

It is not the first time the concept of craft has come to me, yet it continually comes up each time I set myself to an artistic endeavour. Perhaps it keeps coming up because the concept of a craftsman is rather juxtaposed to what one may call artists today. Not just artists of the painting sort, but all other forms of artists modernity seems to have spurned. Perhaps its also the way artists of today tend to go with the notion of glamour and celebrity-status. So it is not surprising to me if I witness an 'artist' of today pursuing his artform for the sake of celebretism and not in the name of craftsmanship.

I'm conflating my thoughts into a mesh of words. I'm sitting on the floor at Dhoby Ghaut MRT Station still in my checked office shirt, with fingernails still smelling of the office keyboard. I should end here.

But I pray my learning of the craft doesn't.

though its none of our business... 6:32 pm

Though its none of our business that the Americans are getting a new Health bill, thought it would be nice to know about it? Here's a convenient summary of the bill Obama passed.

http://waysandmeans.house.gov/Media/pdf/111/HCare/2010_SUMMARY.pdf

Well, its not exactly not our business. Passing of this bill could mean less sick Americans coming to Singapore to seek medical treatment, means fall in our tourism receipts, means less GDP, means less bonus, means less money to spend on camera equipment...

But passing of this bill could possibly, arguable nonetheless, cement Obama's presidency, and ensures that no nutty dyslexic President takes over. This is on the assumption that Obama's good at what he does. After all, he's so good that he got a Nobel Prize for doing nothing; by my standards, that's damn amazing.


Uncle T

Reflection in our daily lives 8:52 pm

What is it in our urban, modern lives that seems to discourage personal reflection and contemplation?
Or is this question a relevant one to ask? I'll assume it is for now.

He sat down at about 5 in the afternoon and removed the packet of balsamic vinegar from the plastic bowl. He rips apart the technology and pours the sour liquid into his bowl of vacuum-packed salad. He claims it is his 'afternoon snack'. He then invites us both to sit down and join him contemplate about life.

Pak contemplating at the kelong, Tanjung Pinang

I look out the 9th floor window and see that its raining.

At about this time daily, his mind steps away from work on its own and contemplates about life. It reminds me of monastic monks stepping away from the cloisters to mumble a prayer. As he absent-mindedly munches on the oxymoron of instant salad, he asks what would we do if we were told we had half an hour to live before the world ended.

His response of wanting to throw his enemies off the 9th floor is not relevant to our conversation here. But how many of us are as disciplined as he about contemplating life like he does, daily? The Jesuit monks do, and have been doing so since St Ignatius. Surely, there is some benefits from doing the daily Examen of consciousness and life. Yet if its good for us, how come the majority of us don't do it?
We shower daily, or at least I do ever since coming back to live in a tropical country. We do so to keep clean, to prevent a build up of dirt lest we become filthy. We do so instinctively. Yet when it comes to contemplation and reflection, we hardly do it weekly despite it sharing a very similar analogy to daily showers. We ignore contemplation till the woes and toils of daily urban modern life build up until it becomes unbearable.

One symptom of this unbearable build-up is when suddenly we ask ourselves questions such as 'when did my passion become merely a job?' or ,what am i doing with my life?'. Such a possible but not necessary symptoms. A friend recently exhibited such symptoms and it pains me. It pains me because it could have been prevented. And these things happen even to good, smart people.
To be fair, daily contemplation alone is not the encompassing solution. But its a good start no? Surely its a good thing no? I'm rambling.

So what do you think are the things in modern urban lives that discourages us from contemplating our lives? Tell me, tell me.

 reflecting, tanjung pinang

J'adore a Paris 12:43 am

Uncle T